"Protected Feelings"

Anyone I meet, I look for you
Whoever I talk to, I want to know what you would have said
I hear the words you never said
I agree with you.

I confess to myself I need you
And then I console myself for it
I promise not to ask the same question over and over again, to myself.
I confess again.

You have become the reason for my existence
Your smile is my sunshine, your voice is my compass of life
The words you speak weave my thoughts together
Your eyes tell me what I should believe
The flow of your hair changes the rhythm of my heart
Your fragrance lingers, never to leave me alone

And I watch you from a distance
As a stranger in a new town
You have always lived with me, but
I don’t exist for you.

Secrets are not kept, they should be protected
I will protect you from the world
And keep you away from me
I always knew, we were never meant to be.

And yet I hope for a day
When you will know
There was someone who walked by
Asked you for an address, to live forever in oblivion


Q
30th April 2013

Impossible Hope

I have to learn to avoid asking questions, answers to which are known and may hurt

I have to steer clear of dilemma, which I know will only entangle me more

I start speaking and then I halt

I start listening and then stop hearing you even, suddenly

I keep looking back as if waiting for something to come by

I desire for things, of no use to me anymore

I want to be in a crowd when I am desperately alone

And among swarm of people, I try to find my identity

I need to speak out

I need to listen to you

I need to hear my voice and know that you are listening to me

Unfulfilled desires, for how long will they remain so?

Is it possible to yearn for the impossible and yet hope I will return to you?

22nd April 2013

We just haven’t met yet, so what?

All my desires seem fulfilled by one look of yours

All I desire is you, when I think of you

We just haven’t met yet, so what?

If the only way to meet you is to dream of you, so be it

If the only way to have you near me is in my dreams, so be it

You are my dream; I shall meet you every night

You are my thirst and you are the quench

You are my thoughts, and my talk

Who else do I speak to about you, but myself?

You are my reason for all seasons of the heart

I skip a beat when you look at me

I breathe only because you are in my life

You are the journey, you are the destination

We shall meet one day.

We just haven’t met yet, so what?

Excited yet Pained

I wasn’t just happy, I was excited.
Excited to see my past. 
Excited to meet people I hadn’t met in years. 

I wasn’t just delighted. I felt ecstasy.
Ecstatic about nostalgia
Ecstatic about today.

It wasn’t just joy. It was thrill
Thrilled to see old faces with new smiles
Thrilled to meet new people with old stories.

I wasn’t just in bliss, I felt blessed
Blessed to have been there; to have been sent there.
Blessed to experience these emotions.

I wasn’t just sad, I was pained
The lingering pain of waiting another year to meet again
The static pain of not meeting some people, ever again.

 - 22nd December 2012

Trying to rhyme

I imagine you 
and I think of a poem
I think of words for you
Real words describing a fantasy
How ironic can it be? 

Am far from someone I feel so close to
Am close to a distant painful feeling of loneliness and yet I dream
I see poppies and lilies
I see the sun and the rainbow
It's the rain I never get to experience..........

I get a dry throat thinking of you
I am not thirsty, though
Not any more............

I have seen the river
I live in a desert now
A desert so vast, so open and so clean
I can clearly see all around
I have no company.............

Am not expecting anyone either
Its just me and my imagination
Its you, in my imagination..........

You bid good bye for real
My poems lost their rhyme.


Q
27th November 2012

Ask me why am I happy?

Am happy as I know what keeps me happy; as I know what happiness to me is.

I am aware of my limits of happiness; my contentment is my fervour to be happy

I don’t go looking for happiness, and hence I don’t fear loosing it

Some days when I cant seem to find a reason to happy, am not upset

As I cant find a reason to be unhappy either

I don’t race against time, thought or feelings, as I know happiness has its pace

I have found that happiness finds time, place and reason. But only if you are ready to invite it

I am happy as I can think; and question myself

I am happy as I can ask myself; of my desires, my longing

I am happy as I can control. I am happy as I know I can still be happy, without many things.

I don’t measure happiness. I never compare happiness.

I hear as much I have to; I speak only when asked.

I get happy seeing others happy.

Am happy as I am happy being this way.

Alone, but not lonely

Though we haven’t spoken much about it
But enough has happened to prove what’s between us
Neither of us has acknowledged it yet
But we don’t deny the feeling brewing within 


It isn’t that our paths have not crossed
Yes, we have avoided each other for long
Day light does make it easy to keep my eyes wide open
I still dream of the one last meeting, every night



Its been a while I have been upset with someone
Even longer since I have been spoken to, by someone
Though I don’t remember when we last met
But the moment you walked away has stayed with me
I am alone, but am not lonely

ishQ

3rd November 2012